Comfort Food

It's funny what we remember from our childhoods, isn't it? I wonder if people realize the impact little things have on a young kid, and how it carries forth into adult life.
The other day, I found myself wanting to buy a package of Rolos. Yes, that chocolate/caramel concoction wrapped in gold foil, just waiting to be unwrapped one by one.
I bought the Rolos.
But I didn't want to *eat* the Rolos. I just wanted them, nearby. This all transpired on one of my soon-to-be frequent trips back to Maryland from North Carolina. I was by myself, driving my truck. This situation usually lends itself to deep thought, so I thought about those Rolos for a minutes.
It didn't take hours of psychotherapy to understand my being drawn to them, and it made sense especially now, in the wake of what is quite a tumultuous change in my life. I was needing some comfort, and I reached for the food that reminds me of something very specifically comforting.
I remember so very clearly being very young and snuggled in winter clothing, praying the wind to stop, praying the lift to get moving, and praying Dad had kept the Rolos in the inner pocket.

Rolos were me and my daddy sitting huddled on a ski lift at Elk Mountain. Mom and Dad took me skiing when I was just a tiny child--like, TINY. Not only that, they let me go skiing with my friends all by ourselves, at 5 years old.

I remember very clearly, dad with his arm around my then-tiny frame, sitting 100 feet above the slopes, swinging back and forth while he unwrapped the trademarked gold foil. I remember being warm sitting snuggled there on the lift, all except my face. I remember the chocolate crumbling in my mouth, and being able to tell which pocket the chocolate was stowed away in, based on how fast it melted.
Mostly I remember feeling safe, and everything being OK.

My daddy always has a way of making me feel that way. He and mom are responsible for my confidence, my humor, my independence, my height ;). That is no small feat in this world.

The other day, I said something to a friend about some plans I had. Her response was "you can't do that".
My face must have twisted.
What? What are these words, Can't? Can't? I do not know this phrase you use, "Can't". And I realized sitting there saying "sure I can!" that that was because of dad (and mom) too. They always trained me that there is no "Can't", there is only success if you want something hard enough.

So to my two wonderful parents on Daddy's day, I thank you for encouraging me to live my life the way I wanted to live it, even on those days when it might not have been the best decision I could have made. Because of you I landed firmly on my feet, exactly where I wanted to be all of my life.

XO

A minute in the life of one Allie Conrad

You know you sit and wonder how the insanity of my life plays out in my little brain, don't you! DON'T YOU! Haven't blogged in a while, haven't had time, blahdiblahdi*emptypromise*blahdiblah. But, for a quickie I thought I'd playback exactly 1 minute of what my ADD-addled brain thinks about. Warning, Crazy ahead.

IM who's in.
Flash dropped in class, find out why? For 5 k? why drop to 5K?
check email
check other email. respond to that....
later.
check! have a check need to deposit.
How do I assess my competencies?
water bottle empty.
stapler, move it back over there. trash in trashcan.
phone blinking
do work. Work on....what
call ERIC. install VPN. Should be finishing my assessment.
piles, oh shit. didn't do that thing, buried in pile.
boss away.


Damn. Only got to 30 seconds.
Welcome to my brain, no word a lie. How do I manage to get my PANTS on in the morning??

I hear your cries!

There have been *two* official requests for blogging by yours truly. I'm flattered. Seriously. Mostly because I find myself going back and reading this blog like someone else wrote it, and it makes me laugh, and then I remember maybe other people don't exactly find themselves reading, much less laughing.
But there are TWO WHO DO! SUWEEEEET!
(ha! i totally wrote "suuuweeeee! like the pig call at first)

So, since I fell into using Facebook, I've actually found a bunch of folks from last years list that I wanted to find, and it's been really fun. This week I found two people from my Kollage years that meant a lot to me, and it's been surreal.

A few minutes ago I crutched my way to the bathroom to pop a squat before a meeting. (I'm on crutches right now, boo). Working in a building that requires entry badges means I have my 'tags' on all the time. I think these things are so lame looking that I usually carry them, but um--crutches. So, there I am, re-zipping in the bathroom and look down to see i've zipped my badge (which is on a zippy around my neck) THROUGH my pants.
So sitting there in the ladies room, I'm laughing and laughing. It's wasn't all that funny really, but it kind of hit me that right there, propped up by a crutch and a bathroom wall, was the difference in who I was versus 10 years ago. Here I was, laughing that the difference between now and so many lives ago was that NOW I know to actually look down for inappropriate dress instead of busting out nary a glance. It's a good analogy though, if you think about it. Bad decisions or the lack of action of ones youth results in learning. Learning results in different decisions. Bingo! Positive outcome from embarrassing situations! Does this mean the most "together" people you know have been in the most compromising life-changing positions?
food for thought.

So, on to my point.

I make an effort to not be one of "those" people who lives in the past, or in the romantic notion of what might have been. Seriously? thats boring. Live some, learn new stuff, meet new people, rinse, repeat if you'd like. But what I do recognize is that who I am right now is both intimately related to who I was 10 years ago, and also impressively different.

Physically I cant say I don't wish I had that sporty frame of days past, but i'm thankful for the boobs that sprung forth at 23. Four surgeries (not on my tits, despite the rumors) tell me my body is getting older, but I don't believe it--crutches notwithstanding.

Mentally I wouldn't call myself more stable, but I think my instability is the byproduct of an ADD-addled brain. I'm certainly smarter in some areas, less so in others--math in particular. I'm most definitely better at multi-tasking, considering I just wrote the last paragraph while discussing the method of custom-report archiving on a client conference call.

I just find it pretty amazing that the person you are in College does not grasp the idea of getting older, and the changes in life that come with it. I'm glad for my age, and glad for my wisdom, and glad for my friends, and glad for google.

I feel compelled to answer the questions posed by James Lipton to all of his "Inside the Actors Studio" show. Maybe I'll answer it yearly, and see how my answers change.

If I were on “Inside the Actors Studio” these would be my responses to James Lipton’s 10-questions:

1. What is your favorite word?
The idea that I cannot come up with a favorite word because I feel it would be "unfair" to all the other words I like a whole lot is funny--Sophie's choice of word selection? But I'll go with my gut answer. FREAK! Freak makes me happy. It describes me, it's very 'matter of fact'. It's very concrete. There is no messing about the word freak. You are one, or you are not one.

2. What is your least favorite word?
Money

3. What turns you on?
Humor

4. What turns you off?
Closed-mindedness.

5. What sound do you love?
A horse whuffling to me.

6. What sound do you hate?
The vacuum. It scares me actually. I will only be around a vacuum sound if I'm the one driving--otherwise NO.WAY.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
Can it be a favorite insult? "C0ck-juggling Thunder-cunt" might just beat all. I've never said it other than to tell my BFF about it, but I plan on using it with aplomb in an appropriate situation. (Ok, what's more ludicrous, the phrase, or the fact I feel it is able to be used in an "appropriate" situation?)

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Crew on a sailing vessel.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Crime Scene clean-up.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
You're dogs, horses, and loved ones are here waiting for you.

Make Luck!

A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend, telling her about whatever was happening that week, which happened to be all about an abscess--pain in the ass, but clearly not the end of the world.
She said to me, "I really hope 2009 is better for you, you've had a really bad year, and have the worst luck!" How funny, I thought. I don't feel I have bad luck at all.

I thought about that for a minute and realized from the outside looking in, that it looks like I really have terrible luck and all kinds of bizarre stuff happens to me that doesn't seem to happen to other folks. But I also realized something important.

I think I live more than other people.

I have SO much going on in my life, that the law of averages means I have to have 5 lame horses at once! And (whoa! deja vu!) while at any given time I can feel stressed or overwhelmed, I'm pretty darn happy with life and feel lucky to have what I have.

Just today's little thought.

photo: an old one from the prop-plane ride from Maui to the Big Island, looking over the clouds and at Mt. Haleakala.

Resolve

We're well into week two of 2009, and the if enormity of this event is supposed to hit me in some way, it hasn't yet.
I'm behind on my music 'best-of' nerding and collecting, I've not scribbled 2008 2009 on my checks more than once, I haven't thought about the fact that I'm coming up another year older, and I haven't resolved to do anything as of yet.

Last year I had a resolution that I really did adhere to the entire year, and that was to listen to and follow my instinct at all times. I learned a lot about my brain, a lot about instinct, and a lot about how often my brain is spot-on with what seems to be psychic ability, but really turns out to be much like a tuning fork to my surroundings.

Knowing this was my resolution to myself, and because she rocks, my friend Patricia got me a cool-ass book (on tape, because i'm so busy, natch!) by a nerdy, yet brilliant dude named Malcolm Gladwell called Blink, The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. Or something like that.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't listen to 3/4s of this book three times. And I'd also be lying if I said I've finished it. You see, I'm so enjoying this thing that I refuse to let it conclude. So I listen, and re-listen, and listen again, and make friends listen, and enjoy it all the while and learn more each time.
What Blink has taught me is that the brain is an amazing thing, and what sometimes I'll look at and think "Wow! I'm psychic! there's no WAY I could have known that this would turn out a particular way, and here it has!", I now realize it's (probably) not that I'm psychic, but more that my brain is SMRT and in tune with the situation and previous experiences relating to the current one. Nutty concept, but super helpful in everyday life, especially when you are allowing your premonitions and inner voices to guide you down the path.

Today I was sitting here at my desk--road noise from 270 humming in my ears--mind adrift in Multi-level Business models and Capability Maturity Model documentation (I live a thrilling life at work!) and the New Years resolutions I have been let cook in the back of my brain came busting through with a start.

I'm going to join NetFlix.

Oh, yes! Of course Allie, that makes total sense in bettering yourself and the world around you--more time on a couch!

It makes sense to me though. This year I was batting around the idea of really putting a concerted effort into slowing down, and taking time for myself and my friends and family. It's really starting to hit me that there are people in the world that I consider friends, who, If I do not slow down and track down, I might never ever see them again.

Thats a sobering thought.

I've spent the last few years saying "I'm too busy" and in a way I think it's been really good for me--I'm a driven, multitasking beast. I feel I've made an impact on my world, I've made some really cool changes for good, and I've grown this 'thing' that has become kind of like a flock of birds ready to toddle out of the nest. I've reached the Tipping Point where I feel that this effort can live if I do not, in a sense.

And so now is the time to catch up with old friends, come home from work and hang out with John more, and my dog, and my funny cats. It's time to watch some movies, and find some very unselfish Me-n-whoever-time.

I think I'll start with Cool Hand Luke.

Mom was a hotty.

So it appears the great Christmas funk of 08 is over, I've been suitably antibiotic'd, rested, and re-vacationed even. Now is time to get back to real work.
I thought it would be fitting to look at a totally old shorpy-like photo of my mom and I to start off 2009.

While I was at the 'rents house over Giftsmas, I got wandering through some old photos. Lots of them were just bad photos, but some of them were gems, like the one above.
Every year, mom and dad used to go to the Montgomery County Agricultural Fair to buy live animals they'd then go to pick up from the Mt. Airy Meat Locker in the form of many small paper packages.
It was quite the deal to get your friends together to go buy a 'steer' at the fair, and people used to fight over buying the 'grand prize' beef cow. We had beef in the freezer at all times.
No, thats not a euphemism for anything.
Apparently this particular year we bought a steer AND this fuzzy beast you see here.

This picture kills me for so many reason. One, look at my mom! She's a piece of ass! She's a MILF! (well, not me personally, I'd not like to fuck her, but hey, YOU can! is that a MYLF? MULF? I like MULF). Susan, all settin' back, belly flat with a cool belt. It looks like she walked out of the Gap this week.
Susan is holding onto my 3 year old arm as if i'm trying to sit down or go "deadweight kid-like" on her.
What is she thinking? I'm seeing "take this damn picture of this ill-fated fleece-covered thing please, I've got my hott on and don't wanna bust this kid upside the head. I'm doing this for my husband." OK, I'm kind of kidding, I really think she's trying to keep me from jumping on the ball of fleece and naming it before we can say lambchop. She's kind of holding me like a purse, wouldn't you say?

If you look closely, you can see "18" mewing. Bleating. Whatever animals such as 18 are prone to doing.

18's owner is looking like he's trying not to cry. He loved this sheep, got it fat and purty and clean and won it a blue ribbon, so some woman and her zombie-eyed child could rip it from his hands and eat it with mint jelly. Also, his pants are shiny, and that makes me laugh and laugh.

Hands down, my favorite picture I've found to date. The extra creepy thing about this picture is that I could replace my mom with a dear friend I had in college by the same name--they look so alike it's creepy.
I could ramble on about it forever, but I'll stop here and just giggle.

I'm off to play tennis 5x a week like mom did so I can have that body, and also maybe dye my hair moms color.

Prolex = Pre rolex

So, New Orleans. Where do I start? I should start at the end by saying "we survived". New Orleans is my kind of town, and stupid amounts of fun. I was there for the Annual USEA (US Eventing association) convention, and it was very important that I attend.

Riiiight. The story of how Allie ended up in NoLa is that I saw the following opportunity: Horse People+Fun City I've always wanted to visit=Lets go! The truth is, the convention had very little draw for me--lots of folks talking about lots of horse stuff would typically thrill me to no end, but what I really wanted to do was be in New Orleans with some of my favorite people.

We arrived Thursday evening after travelling all day from the Bahamas, and quickly showered and dressed in order to go out and party our asses off.
And thats what we did, for 4 days. We rode bulls, we tipped strippers, we did shots, we drank beer and Hurricanes and more beer. We saw many famous horse folk, and even danced and sang Kareoke with many of them. I made some new fun friends and hung out with old favorites. Getting to see Robby Johnson, my dear sweet friend from Alabama is usually a thrill I only get to experience once a year at Rolex, so seeing him on his home turf was super fantastic.

This is going to be a boring post, because what happens in NoLa stays in NoLa, and I don't want to spill the beans, to be quite honest.
Super fun, super awesome.